Tuesday, April 01, 2014

What Do You Tell The Grieving? Part II

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Jesus Visits Martha and Mary after Funeral of Lazarus

From John 11: 17 When Jesus arrived, he found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb four days. 18 Now Bethany was near Jerusalem, some two miles away, 19 and many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to console them about their brother. 20 When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, while Mary stayed at home. 21 Martha said to Jesus, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22 But even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask of him." 23 Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again." 24 Martha said to him, "I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day." 25 Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, 26 and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" 27 She said to him, "Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one coming into the world." 28 When she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary, and told her privately, "The Teacher is here and is calling for you." 29 And when she heard it, she got up quickly and went to him. 30 Now Jesus had not yet come to the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. 31 The Jews who were with her in the house, consoling her, saw Mary get up quickly and go out. They followed her because they thought that she was going to the tomb to weep there. 32 When Mary came where Jesus was and saw him, she knelt at his feet and said to him, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." 33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her also weeping, he was greatly disturbed in spirit and deeply moved. 34 He said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to him, "Lord, come and see." 35 Jesus began to weep. 36 So the Jews said, "See how he loved him!" 37 But some of them said, "Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?"

You and I have probably said, "I don't like visiting the family of a friend or loved one who have lost them to death, because I don't know what to say!" I have said that to God in prayer, and we discussed that in seminary as well. Believe it or not, that's a normal thought and normal feeling. The response I have heard and you probably have heard, is to just be there. Your presence is a blessing in and of itself. Wise words are no match for your caring and loving enough to be with the family. I will never forget during my first year in seminary hearing a respected, older classmate share with us how the previous night as an intern chaplain at Parkland Hospital, he had to be with a Baptist minister whose wife had shot herself and committed suicide. The doctors came to tell him they could not save her and the pastor shared how all he could do was cry with the man. That was pastoral care in my opinion, that minister had someone to cry with as he tried to make sense of this tragic act and his senseless loss. What we should NOT say can be complied in a long list; God needed her more, God has a garden and He needed one more flower, It was God's will... etc. Those statements, though you may mean well, serve to only hurt beyond repair. "I don't know why this happened," says more and cares more.

Jesus arrived in Bethany after Lazarus' funeral. He was four days late. He found a household of mourners who came to console Martha and Mary on the loss of their brother. News of Jesus' arrival makes Martha get up and run towards Jesus; Mary stayed home. The words shared by Martha are those we have shared with Him as well; "Jesus, where were you?" Her words say it all for the grieving, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask of Him." We have prayed that; we have cried that. Jesus shares what we should know and should share; "Your brother will rise again." Martha knew this from her religious training so she says she knows about the resurrection on the last day, but Jesus shares the Christian truth and hope: "I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" Her response was Yes, Lord, I believe that You are the Messiah, the Son of God, the One the world has been expecting. Her response was of faith. I worry that this message of faith shared by Jesus is not being shared enough in funeral services. I have sat through a highlights of goodness of the deceased, and we smile and laugh and think what a great guy that was, but we do not hear the message of Jesus: Resurrection and Life. The promises of a heaven prepared for us as Jesus would later share in John 14. Eulogies should not take the place of sermons in the funeral service; Jesus is to be worshiped and glorified for all that He has, can, and will do for us. Then, more people will know as Martha, what to say.

Jesus then meets Mary, the more spiritual of the two sisters. She gets up when Martha said, "The Teacher is here and is calling for you." The mourners think Mary is going back to the tomb to weep some more and they follow her. Guess what Mary shares with Jesus? The very same thing Martha did, and what you and I have said, "Jesus, where were you? Why did you not answer my prayer as I asked?" Jesus does not reply to her but asks to see the tomb and when he sees the grief on the sisters and the mourners, Jesus wept. Yes, that famous, save-me-I-need-a-Bible-verse-from-memory-saver! John 11:35 (in another version): Jesus wept. And those who saw it said two things, Wow, Jesus really loved him, and Couldn't He that opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?

Yes, Jesus loves me, and yes, Jesus loves you. Yes, Jesus loves the dying and those who mourn. But beyond love comes life as shared by He who overcame sin and death. If you're facing the coming death of a loved one who is ill, do not stop showing love. And as you love that person share with them the hope that is ours because of Jesus Christ; Jesus is the resurrection, and Jesus is life. Stay tuned tomorrow, for wonders will never cease!

PRAYER: Loving God of love and life, speak to the hearts of those at the side of loved ones who are sick and dying. Speak love and hope and the promise of life through those who witness to You. Help us know that this season of Lent has been about our own mortality and how we should celebrate Your power in the midst of our weakness. We pray in the name of He who saved us, Jesus Christ, amen.

Have a great and blessed day in the Lord!

Eradio Valverde